Addiction to Failure

If you are one of those telling yourself the same thing over and over again, but never acting upon the things you say you want doing…then believe me, you´re not the only one.

There are so many articles and books offering you the “right” advice or way to do things better, but there is no better way than the one coming right from your heart…the will power or the true motivation that comes from YOU! … And not from the feeling of believing that it is accurate what others may advice you.

I read as well articles and motivational books, I even listen to audios whenever I find the right time for it but I always end up doing the same wrong things over and over again. I always end up finding a good reason of why some advices may not work for me or why I cannot just apply them to my life.

The type of behavior that´s called procrastination.

I want to improve myself but every time I start doing something better; I end up being in the same place I was before starting it. And that is not because I do not want to do it better but because I lack self-discipline, commitment and motivation. And that´s the case whenever one wants something but never end up having it the same way one imagines it from the beginning. It’s all just a lamentation!

The other day, I was reflecting on this thing and I realized something.

Few years ago I stopped eating meat. It was a sudden decision that I just didn´t want to eat meat anymore. I called it that way and people around me start calling me a vegetarian. Entirely, I am not a vegetarian, and I always try to make people aware of the fact that I do eat anything else but meat and I do not call myself vegetarian … but anyway, I let myself being labeled this way for the solely reason of stop arguing about this topic.

The lesson from this story is simple. When I decided to stop eating meat, I just made a simple decision that I believed in. I did not tell myself I want not to eat meat or that I want to try or that I want to stop eating meat, there was no argue about it, it was just a simple decision. And the weird thing was that I never struggle thinking to start eating meat again. I just feel I do not need it anymore. 4 years ago, I made that decision and it is still a valid one.

Few days ago it just hit me! When I took that decision 4 years ago, I had a clear vision about my decision, I knew why I want to do it, I had a reason behind it which build a strong motivation inside me. I suddenly developed a need for self-discipline, commitment and motivation. That is the reason I succeeded it and still do. And that should be applicable to anything else, to any other decisions one takes.

It’s like an addiction. I remember one good friend of mine telling me a story of how she gave up smoking. The story was similar to mime. She, one day wake up and told herself she does not need cigars anymore. She committed herself to stop smoking, and she did! With no struggle, no procrastination, no regrets! She was committed, motivated … with a purpose ahead, she just knew it!

And that is what defines a success!   

So, then we do are addicted to something whenever we procrastinate! I think I can call it addiction!

We are addicted to unhappiness, to self-destruction, to lamentations; we are addicted to specific behavioral patterns that stop us being who we want to be. And until, we don´t realize this and don´t accepted it, there is nothing which can help us. No plan, no advice, no book or program will work because we are not committing to what we want to change.

So, there are certain categories in which one find itself, and through which one has to pass, to get the results needed/wanted. People who are addicted to certain things (such as alcohol, drugs, sugar or anything else) find it very difficult to get rid of that addiction.

These are the categories (that I thought of – may be limited but feel free to add new ones in the comments) of people dealing with addiction:

          1.       There are the people who don´t know to have an addiction; therefore there is no problem and no need for a solution.

          2.       There are the people who believe to have NO addiction; therefore there is no problem and no need for a solution. These people do not cry for help or any kind of self-commitment. They may be the ones blaming others for anything else happening in their own life. They are the blind ones!

          3.       There are the people who believe to have an addiction but they don´t have the will power or motivation to change anything, therefore there is a problem but no solution, yet! These people need to find that motivation inside them. They may need to become aware of the fact that they will never stop procrastinating if they don´t commit!   

          4.       There are the people who believe to have an addiction and try very hard to solve it but never succeed because they have no will power or motivation (these are the people who struggle the most), therefore there is a problem, there are solutions but no way to succeed if not first  committing.

          5.       There are the people who believe to have an addiction and try to solve it, they have motivation and will but the healing process does not last too long. They are the type of people who end up in the same place over and over again. These are the ones who procrastinate the most because they always find good reasons to give up or to conclude that it is either too hard or just impossible. These people lack self-discipline…and that´s the category I include myself as well. Yes, I´m not perfect but I am happy to know the stage I am at, so I can work it through.

          6.       Then, there are the people who know for sure to have an addiction, they accept it as an addiction and still fight against it without necessary failing but there is a constant struggle to keep them motivated. That´s a little bit similar category next to the one above, the people from stage 5 trying to enter the stage 6. They lack the self-discipline (they just learn how hard it is to discipline themselves, to stick to the plan and build on the routine they need in order to succeed). Maybe, the problem I see is the fact that there is a lack of commitment as well. There is no exact vision of why one wants doing something. No purpose!

          7.       And finally, there are the people who know for sure to have an addiction, they acknowledge it and they develop such a strong will to let it go that it just disappear. They know exactly why they have to stop it and they purely decide for themselves that that is not good for them and just stop it. After taking that decision, there is no need to struggle or fight against it anymore…it is just like a thing that disappears. They just know they don´t want it anymore and the motivation, the will is what gives them this power. They are the ones who created first a vision, a purpose, they are self-disciplined and committed, and they have a motivation to fight for!  

So, it’s all about motivation, about the will power to want something. Until one not wants it, one not gets it. And that´s it!

So, I cannot go back and start a new beginning, but I can start today and make a new ending. I cannot stop the time for the right answers and solutions to my problems to be answered and solved. But there is something to do, as there is always a solution to any problem.

Before beginning any process of transformation, stop doing the things you´ve been doing until now, things that have been holding you back, the things that were wrong doing it from the beginning.

For me, I know that if I need or want a change, I have to start competing with a better me; I have to want to be better and learn from my mistakes. There is nothing else I can do. One cannot just wait for a miracle to happen; one cannot just wait until the perfect moment appears. There is no perfect moment. There is only the present that one has to use to create a better future. There is no better future by just finding reasons not to do things or to find guilty people to blame for ones mistakes or failures. There is always a way to explain a situation…we all pass through rough situations, the only difference that defines us is the way we choose to act in the situations we are at.

So, there is a way to start building a better, positive routine for yourself and if you want to commit to that, start with spending most of your time with the right people, because that is (or should be) your source of inspiration and motivation. Invest your time with people worth enough to inspire you and motivate you to be a better person, to be yourself. People, who hold you back from achieving your greatness, are not the right people for you. The right ones, are those who never give up on you when you most need them, are the ones who will never hold you back from being you, are the ones who will always support you and always have a shoulder to cry on when you need to, unconditionally. The right people are the bright and the brave ones to motivate you to go on, to never give up, no matter what!

So, getting through that first stage, start facing your problems, recognize them and commit to solving them. The true thing, it is not the problems that defines one person, but the way that person reacts to the problem and recovers from them.  Problems will not disappear unless one takes actions. 

So, after defining, acknowledging and facing that problem, commit to yourself to do better! Make a decision of why you need to change, why you want to change, why that it is a better way to go through life, then just procrastinating.
Commit, develop self-discipline through the development of routines (positive behavioral patterns), find the right motivation and a vision for yourself and just be happy for the way you decide you want to be.

There is a nice article I found on the interned that I want to recommend!

Read it and get inspired! Good luck and all best for today!


1 comment:

Catalin Mihaila said...

very nice... easy to read and it makes you see some of the mistakes you've done in the past by not admitting your addiction ...